The New In-law
It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter in law arrives in the family, everything changes. Some daughters in law are well trained and well mannered!!!!! They don't come to change the family, they are there to............ The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech: My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said "Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want ! to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never in a million years". "What do you mean my child?" Asked the father in law. "What I mean dad is (looking at her father in law): Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn't stop at my account, and those who used to Clean should continue cleaning". "Then what are you here for?" Asked the mother in law. "As for me, my job is to entertain your son!"
Economics
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while herhusband is at work, not aware that 9-year-old sonwas hiding in the closet.Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid herlover in the closet.The boy now has company.Boy: "Dark in here."Man: "Yes it is."Boy: "I have a baseball."Man: "That's nice."Boy: "Want to buy it?"Man: "No, thanks."Boy: "My dad's outside."Man: "OK, how much?"Boy: "$250."In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boyand the mom's lover are in the closet together.Boy: "Dark in here."Man: "Yes, it is."Boy: "I have a baseball glove."Man: "How much?"Boy: "$750."Man: "Fine."A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grabyour glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."his father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"The son says, "$1000."The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge yourfriends like that. That is way more than those twothings cost. I'm going to take you to church andmake you confess."They go to church and the father alerts the priestand makes the little boy sit in the confession boothand closes the door.The boy says, "Dark in here."The priest says, "Don't start that **** again."
What the F**KIN &^$#%#$&*#
I had a whole bunch of stuff saved on a diskette that I type out my blog contents on so that I can post it when I have the time. All the contents just went “bye-bye” and I have no freaking idea where or how come!! However the contents from another disk are on it instead!! Couldn’t be that I saved it wrongly cos I never saved nothing!!
Fuck and I had a whole bunch of people in there that I wanted to “congratulate” . People who are by no means less than arseholes. And some even whores. Though to call them whores would be a disgrace to whores around the world!
Since I never knew the name of the arseholes I guess I can only describe why they’re areseholes!
For one these aresholes are completely inconsiderate drivers. They are normally drivers of luxury cars, or sports cars. And now and then you get the occasional SUV or MPV and the common cars. Driver no 1 if I’m not wrong drives a BMW, one of the newer models, looked like the 7 series, hey it was at night. China-man of course. And it was black in colour. If I’m not wrong the number plate starts at EE ** * . Like I said can’t really recall the number.
Arsehole driver no 2 drives a white Subaru. It sure don’t look like the Rex Sti. But I could be wrong, or arsehole could just be another pretender with a blow-off valve. Can’t recall his number plate but His crime was to drive out of a slip road inconsiderately just like arsehole number 1. Thus putting me in a spot where I could have been involved in an accident as a result of their STUPIDITY!!!
Arsehole driver no 3 is a woman. Driving an MPV , a Mitsubishi. Can’t recall the number because I didn’t see it. But it was one of those silver/blue kind of color. She was a Chinese middle aged woman!! Thus further cementing my friends comments that the worst drivers are Chinese and female!! Hey before you comment don’t be a fucking bitch about it!! Face the facts!! And my mum is Chinese but she drives wonderfully!!
Arsehole 3’s Crime!! Lane cutting inconsiderately. Not signaling in time. Not signaling when cutting lane. Cutting in at the wrong part of the road!! For crying out load she cut thru the divider!!
As for the whores!! Hey sluts. Since you thought that it was ok for you to interfere in my life. I’m going to be interfering a lot in your life. Especially if I do get a chance to do so. So pray hard that I don’t get a chance to!
SINGapore Id (iot) ol
Singapore idol auditions stretching out 3 days!????? WAT da’ F …???
I can get it stretching over 2 days fine …. I’ll give it that much that there are that many thick-skinned, head in the ground, my momma says I sound like Britney /Justin wannabe’s who think they’re the next big thing. But for 3 days?? By golly gee whiz…. Dang it … is there really that many??
Or is there just that many people with so much talent that you gotta hear each and everyone of ‘em sing 3 or 4 songs before you’re sure they make the cut? Nahhh … don’t think so….
For crying out loud, the way they’re marketing the bloody show is driving me nuts … every few min you see a Singapore Idiot … oops I mean Idol (hmmm think I’ll go SI instead of typing the whole bloody thing out, just in case I go idiot again and some lamer feels it) ad on TV, selling their point of view that SI is such a sell out that they gotta stretch it out!!
Get a life ppl…. You close auditions at 12 noon; I’m like WTF?? Wat the hell do you expect to happen? Of course its gonna stretch over a few days…. Wont be surprised if you stretch it another day…. Nahh …. Your theory is that response is overwhelming!! That’s your theory at least … I have my own
It’s a conspiracy … there aren’t that many contestants…. Response was so so …. And talent does not grow on tree’s like y’all hope!! Well that’s my theory…..
The last contest was a sham … come on…. Think some ppl have their heads so far up some where they can’t see it…. Its not a singing contest … it’s all about who knows the most ppl and who has money to spend…. Do me a favour and remove the goddamn viewer voting and the nauseating sms feature!!! It’s a bunch of crock….
For crying out loud … one contestants had a confession of someone spending over 1k to vote for the said contestant. Another one probably made The King – Elvis Presley turn in the grave with the rendition of hound dog…. Which sounded to me more like Hun dog …. The contestant was probably thinking of Orange Julius’s chilli dog ….
It’s a poser contest … plain and simple …. And the worst part is my TV programmes are gonna be affected by SI … it’ll probably mean some other show is gonna be sacrificed just for that. If there’s a God please please let that piece of crap show be hosted at ungodly hours so that the sane ppl be spared frm the monstrosity that is hypocrisy here!!
Caller ID and Hypocrites!!
I’ve got a problem … and it all stems from my mobile service provider. Though I subscribe to 2 of their services I shall not say that I am happy with their service. When it comes to service they actually quite suck.
Btw my provider provides me with mobile and cable services.
You see …. I subscribe for caller ID. This means that I’m actually paying to be made known who is calling me. Not paying to get Private Number displayed on my phone’s screen every other time. I mean fine the other party is paying to have their number kept secret …. Great I say, if it makes them happy. But that sure isn’t fucking fair to me since you’re charging me as well.
Look I hate getting calls from insurance agents especially as well as the occasional survey company. I hate having to entertain because I feel bad hanging up on them trying to make a living. And these people like to use Private numbers.
Hey what I’m saying is pretty direct. I pay you to show me the number. You better be adept at what you do and provide me with what I’m paying for. It’s simple. I don’t care about your arrangement with someone else. Your service says CALLER ID not SOME CALLER ID.
I’m going to give it a try and write in to complain about this. See what your management has to say. However if I don’t get a reply I’ll write in to the papers and see if I can get a reply. Which I’m quite sure I will get one even before I can read the posting.
Here’s a suggestion. Every time you let someone with a private number call me, you charge a portion of my CALLER ID charge to that person. Now that would be very fair and I’d be very happy.
Men and the toilet
Now I know not many of you ladies out there have been into the gents. I dare say that there ought to be a couple of you who may have more than enough exposure to know the gents rather intimately. But on the whole I shall presume that you’re experiences are limited to what you have witnessed on the big screen.
In case you ladies out there are wondering if men, gifted with the ability to aim (and yet still wet the seats) do aim at the urinals? Well the answer is YES . But its like sex, most of the time concentration only lasts at the start of the event after that it tally-ho anything goes. After all you want to make sure you don’t accidentally wet your pants.
However for some reason quite a number of men do not seem to be able to finish the way they started (please refer to sex). For some reason just as the end is nearing they dribble all about. And even when they stand like they’re doing the urinal they seem to be very generous in leaving remnants of their activity behind all over the floor.
Guys remember this a flick or two to clear the excess is ok. Anything more and you’re playing with yourselves. You ought to look at the way some of them work themselves. They look like they’re trying to hold onto a struggling fish. Or else they look like they’re having a game of tug of war.
Then there’s Mr. Autobahn between my legs. These guys either have really short ****s or are really bad at aiming or they may have elephant balls or maybe they’re just shy. Shy? Why you ask? Well as you may now know from the big screen guys just have to take a look. Some stare and that can be freaky. Others steal a number of glimpses. Well back to the story. Instead of just occupying their own urinal space they spread their legs wide enough to dominate 3 urinals. And it can be rather an irritant especially when the other urinals are occupied as well as the cubicles. In order to utilize the urinal you have to position yourself so that you’re slightly angled. After all its not nice to disturb a man in the middle of his business.
I am so so so bloody tired … the weekends’ lethargy has yet to go away!! Jeez I wonder how I used to work all those nites at the clubs ….. clean up the bars …. Grab the transport and still hang out till 8 am having bf and tea!! Sleep at 10 and head back to work again at by 4 …. I mean shites man …. Fine the occasional xian-ness to work did hit every now and then … but come my day off I’d hit the sack and be at coffee beans around the same time I’m normally at work, before I hit the clubs again!!
Damn that reminds me of how much I miss working the line!! The music; the drinks; the flaring; the camaraderie; the regulars; the drinks ….. and last but not least the girls!!! No not the girls that sleep around, but just the girls in general.
4 days into it and the suffering and enduring are already a hassle; and I’m referring to the lethargy ah for goodness sake!! I know of 2 whores who’d probably construe such a statement to indicate infidelity and the sorts. But so far its been smooth sailing, hopefully it lasts especially once I start back all my activities and clubbing again!!
Awie!! I’ll be seeing you real soon I hope!! Hopefully I can lend you the hand you need and hopefully we can rock the place, turn up the heat and bounce a bits. Yes I know you’re a dad now and you gotta tone it down but that dun mean work cant be fun rites!! Hhaha ….
Rights time to blow …. Catch up with ya ppl soon!!
Pedro and Maria got married. Pedro was a "man about town" so to speak, but Maria was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees.Pedro was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon. So, that night they retired to his little shack. When Pedro was undressing Maria said, "Oh Pedro, what is that?"Pedro being very quick thinking said, "Maria, I am the only man in the world with one of these." And, then, he proceeded to show her what itwas for, and Maria was happy.The next morning Pedro went off to work as usual. When he returned home that evening, Maria was on the front porch obviously upset about something."Pedro, you told me that you were the only man in the world with one of those, and I saw Gonzalez the gardener changing his clothes behind the shed, and he had one, too."Thinking fast, Pedro said, "Oh, Maria, Gonzalez is my very best friend. I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those."Maria being very stupid accepted his answer and they did their thing again that night.Pedro went off to work again the next morning and when he returned home, Maria was very upset, stamping her foot on the porch.Pedro said, "Maria, what is the matter now?""Pedro, you gave Gonzalez the best one!!"
Bang Bang ….Life in a slammer
My goodness …. Have you noticed the amount of murders or attempts at it? It seems that guns are a booming trade in the black market!! Its weird how guns seem to be of an abundance at the current time. You can hardly be blamed for thinking that they’re probably for sale or rent at some store.
After all the complaints about Malaysia and Johor Bahru especially being too dangerous for Singaporeans …. I can hardly see any reason why it would be any safer here!! Truth be told not many people know this but there are 14 prisons in Singapore. Well at least there were , till Changi Prison, The Moon Crescent/Reformative Trg Center, Jalan Awan Prison and Tampines Prison closed. Now they’re just one big happy family under the name of Changi Prison Complex A.
You’d also be surprised at the state of the Prison head count. Will leave it at that!!!
Anyway Back to the story …. You know last year the no 1 method of getting 6ft under was the MRT tracks … for some reason everyone found it to be the in thing to be doing. Seems like the early part of this year is guns ; be it murdered or suicide. I mean I’m trying to get my hands on some cuffs to use .. haha … cant blame me its kinky …and that’s so bloody hard ( no pun intended ) to find, the cuffs I mean. And yet here I see a whole bunch of people getting laid (dead not on bed ) out on guns!!
And the yellow ribbon laid out at the recent murder of the Las Vegas co-owner (god bless his soul) , now that, my friends was an artistic touch. My condolences to the family of course …. However you have to admit the irony of it is truly a point to ponder. The Yellow Ribbon Project aims to help society accept ex cons, I’ve got no problems with that, I’ve got ex con frens … good ones too and worked with ex cons as well. Though I personally feel that it stupid cos cons are just … think I’ll leave that gripe for another day!!!
Anyway the use of the Yellow ribbon and the word tolerate seriously means 2 things either one of them did something really bad you go think about the 2nd part …..!! … NAUGHTY BOYS!! All rightty that’s all for now … til laters ppl
Dinner and Kids
The last public holiday for the next two months or so has just passed. Its going to be a while before we get another day off. The next one will be in August. That’s some way off. Everyone just hang in there. It’ll come soon enough.
Anyways went for dinner that day over at Sembawang Park. For those who don’t know …. Its somewhere in Sembawang.
There’s a place called Beau(something) House there. I think it used to be a mess or club house of some sorts. Anyways right now it’s a restaurant. The ambience is nice in that its on a small hill of sorts, overlooking the straits with a small jetty of sorts. The scene is even nicer at nights with the ships over at PSA all lighted up in yellow and the buildings across the waters alight.
That night was especially nice as the moon was full and there weren’t that many clouds. Thus you could see the stars too.
Anyway getting back to the restaurant, the prices are rather reasonable as are the servings. The waiter was nice enough to warn us that the medium serving of fried rice was rather large, and that a small one should be adequate. True enough it was suffice. But readers please note that I was not starving. Which I believe would have possibly dealt a different bearing.
The fried rice was supplemented with the small servings of Prawns in Cereal and Deer Meat cooked with onion and ginger. These were rather generous as well. The prawns were not small ones but large ones. The cereal was not soaking in oil and neither were the prawns. It came out nice and crispy.
The damage done was quite reasonable : $44 for 2 people.
However the ambience for that particular day was a bit off. The music the place was playing was soothing and old school. It’s the number of kids that were there that actually spoilt it. There were too many people picnicking or camping about with their barbeques. There was too much unnecessary noise. Well it was a public holiday.
Hopefully the next trip there will be more fulfilling.
I’m still trying to figure out how some management’s work. Tasks are not allocated, contracts are just thrown about like rubbish, corruption seems apparent across the board and lack of consistency is garnished with generous amounts of hypocrisy.
There is one management team that runs a really big organization that seems to thrive on corruption. Or at least that’s the view I have looking at it from where I am. Things seem rather fishy they way its being run. At one time it seemed that the new boss was going to bring a big change to the way things were being done.
Right now it looks like that was all just a farce before he started his shit as well. I’m just waiting for a time when the majority of the people start to think about how these imbeciles are obliterating their rights as people and human beings. It seems the comfort zone of the people is such that they are hardly making a fuss over some of the ridiculous policies being implemented, or for that matter being proposed.
The latest policy being proposed invades the rights of the staff on their personal time. As it is they are already violating the rights of privacy and private property of the individuals. They want to implement a proximity perimeter on the people limiting their ways of interaction. Who the bloody fuck does he think he fucking is?
They are imbeciles and incapable people trying to run the company according to their whims and fancies. What is right is only what matters to them. So long as they believe that its wrong for those under them to have sex with someone other than the wife its wrong. That is until they feel like doing so.
Same principle applies to divorcing the wife to marry a nubile young thing. A nubile young thing that portrays an innocent image to everyone but seems to be just another skanky whore , another glimpse into how corrupt things are there.
Then there’s the dishing out of contracts, a dime a dozen, to companies run by family, owned by family, or with vested interest. I always thought that this should be against the policies. Apparently I was so very wrong. They must be getting a cut of the profits. After all if you look at the results of the work done, its extremely shoddy. Wouldn’t have made a difference had you given a couple million dollar contract for a few hundred instead.
I’m just hoping that one day the bastards and the arse holes running the company are finally over thrown and the company returned to the right people, the ones who founded it not the one who claimed it. Imperialists are not welcome. Now it’s a question of how long before the people finally realize wake up and smell the roses!!
Come on quit living behind rose tainted glasses!!
Shake it up baby!
The shake is back!! Yes McDonald’s is reintroducing the once very popular drink. And it looks like its trying to come back with a bang!! Though the promotion act isn’t exactly what you would expect from something making a comeback! Well I guess in a way it doesn’t really matter as most of the generation that’s hogging the lines at McDonald’s desert counters probably never heard of the Mc’s shake.
I was so looking forward to trying out the shake! Until my colleague told me that it sucks (no pun intended). According to him, the wife and him went over to Mc’s for dinner and to try the shake. Well she had a chocolate and he had a strawberry one. Well they both sucked!!
Apparently the shakes were too sweet. I found it hard to believe that shakes could be so easily be screwed up. I was after all a bartender and shakes was one drink we used to get a lot of. And it was kinda hard to go wrong the way Mc’s has! I know sugar maybe cheap but not everyone of us wants to die a diabetic death! I know I don’t.
Not one to act on hearsay, of course I went on down to Mc’s before rugby and got myself a vanilla shake! Guess what!!?? Hearsay is true! The shake would have hit a 10 on the ricther scale for sugar! Talk about getting a sugar high!! Mc’s really screwed up on this. Hey I like my drinks sweet, but this was a lil’ or rather a lot more than I could stand!! Hopefully Mc’s gets this rectified soon or it may not last too logn on the menu again!!
Singapore Ido(L)its
Oh for the love of God … another of Channel 5’s lame attempts at imitating the yanks is back on the telly. Singapore Idol was launched again yesterday after a year’s absence.
One of the most painful things to watch is Dick Lee’s attempts at doing a “Simon”.
For crying out loud if you’re witless …. You’re witless. Talk about bad acting and worse still … bad one liner’s!! You don’t have bad one liner’s. You have horrible one liner’s. Your attempts at embarrassing the contestants are …. Lame.
Come on … what in Karma’s name were you thinking when you went :
“You sound like a bird” “ a crow” – Punch line is crappy
“You’re lucky the rose on your coat is fake or it would have died” – You stupid punk it was real. And you’re come back on that – “no wonder it looks dead” .
For goodness sake that was even worse than you’re first attempt!! First you implied the rose is healthy and looking good, now you say it looks dead. Talk about Egg on your FACE. In your case to put it into layman’s terms, Shitting and eating in the same place!!
And I wonder who the flying fuck is the commentator for the trailer that said that “Dick lee’s witty comments”. Its pretty obvious that you have a very “intellectual” and highly “sophisticated” sense of humor. A sense that could only be matched by the kookaburra!!
To all those who were looking for their 5 minutes of fame, especially those who allowed Channel 5 to make a fool of them … I congratulate you.
Here’s some parting words.
5 Minutes of Fame
A lifetime of Shame
Only yourself to Blame
Go hide under some rocks, you’re all bloody lame!!
This is very much delayed ... however ...
The worst part of a holiday is the end of it and the beginning of work. This is especially so when you’ve got to work at a desk when you’re the kind who needs to run about in order to stay happy!!
Well I just got back from my holiday in Sabah with my other half courtesy of Pai and Linda. It was a wonderful stay there. Exotic would not be the word but it was wonderful. The sea was super clear; The kind you’d imagine on paradise or if you’re regular travelers it’s the kind you find on those small islands all over the world. Or at least most places.
The food was good and the people were wonderful. Oh nearly forgot. We stayed at the Sutera Harbour Resort. It’s based on an island of sorts’ not too far off land. In fact it’s just across a short bridge. And it’s only a short ride from the Kota Kinabalu International Airport. I’d say it’s a bout 10 minutes. The ride by cab from the airport costs RM20. Its fixed you pay at the charter counter. No worries!!
We arrived there at about 10 odd in the morning. And it was a scorcher. I never thought the weather could be so hot so early in the morning. Took a cab, checked in and took the shuttle bus to town. Which is another 10 minutes away. Walked around a bit and found some interesting stuff though I wish we had more time to do things!!
Our 2nd day was spent river rafting!! White water here we come. It was pretty fun but not that scary. Possibly because as the guide said the tides weren’t that bad as it was the dry season. I’m planning a get away there again sometime end of the year when the currents are higher!! Btw the rapids are classified Class 3 and 4.
I was in the only guy in our boat which was really a fun group. Except for me and other half the rest were all whites. There was Jackie and Emily from Canada. Mum and daughter pair, Liz and Roz. And the cousin Tori. Emily, Roz and Tori have rafted before but for the rest of us this was a 1st! The closest I get to this is my weekly Dragon boat training.
To cut a long story short, the whole session (which is a whole day thing) was pretty fun! She finally got into the water after a little “persuasion”. Thank god for the life vest and the rest of the girls who helped watch her at one point while Jackie and I “defended” our boat during one of the “battles”. Our guide, TARZAN aka Andre was great, keeping the ride fun without too much scares. Though I still would have loved to tackle the harder route than the hard one we took at one of the rapids.
Anyways we got home shagged, had dinner where she downed about 10 glasses of chocolate mousse.
Our last day there was supposed to be spent at the cultural village. But we realized that it wouldn’t have been timed right as the guided tour ended at about 4 and we’d get back around 5.30. The place we wanted to get souvenirs from shuts at around 7. So we decided instead to head down to the Sunday market after breakfast and after we’d packed our luggage.
We managed to get some stuff there for all the ladies but didn’t manage anything for the guy’s. So we gambled on some minor stuff instead. After we were done it was back to the hotel for lunch or rather tea, before we whiled away our time waiting for out flight. Our flight by the way was delayed by almost an hour!!
Ok that’s all about Sabah!!
Special thanks goes out to :-
Ash – the concierge who was really friendly and helpful
Martin – the banquet captain I think or supervisor who helped reload the chocolate mousse!!
Andre @ Tarzan & Jawa from Riverbug– for a great trip on the rapids!! We definitely recommend RIVERBUG to anyone!!
Also thanks goes out to
Salim (concierge) for trying to work out our schedule and Madonna(Front desk) for a quick check in and check out!!
Jackie, Emily – Hope your Aussie trips just as fun!! Safe Trip
Tori, Roz and Liz – Thanks for sharing the fun!!
Special Thanks too to CABANA INN for being accommodating during our short trip up to KL.
Thumbs down to SUNWAY LAGOON. Lack of knowledge on the staff part. Why?
Who nearly cost me $60 renting tubes and boards that weren’t needed. Claiming the rides didn’t provide tubes.
Lack of info that the Wild West rides were open. In fact I hardly think anyone knew it was open. We only chanced upon it.
Expensive lockers.
Plus side though was the lifeguard who found my bracelet and promptly returned it when I enquired if he’d seen it.